Tag Archives: newborn

Being mommy (again!)

As I write this post, I’m secretly hoping the newborn won’t wake up for at least another fifteen minutes. I have to decide if I want to eat, pee or sleep for an extra ten minutes. This is how precious time feels when you have a tiny human who has taken over your life. 
I’m nursing myself back to health, and a 5 day old has made me feel like I’m 50. 

It’s been 5 years but the kind of comments or opinions about being a mother that I’ve received from everyone has not changed. Why do we do this?

Here’s a quick refresher on what NOT to ask/ tell a new mother. Honestly we’re up to our ears with stuff and we don’t need more of this.

1. You’re still FAT.

Oh, this one is a classic. A great conversation ender because you won’t know what hit you after asking a mom that question. 

We’ve provided a harbor for a life to sustain, grow and bring it into this beautiful world. Please look beyond my size. 

2. Normal or C-section? 

The baby is born. Isn’t that enough? Why do you care if it was born naturally, or when I was up to my eyeballs in Drugs? I did what was right for me at the given time and situation.

Learn to respect my privacy and marvel at the newborn.

3. Breastfeeding Vs Formula (Is the baby drinking well?)

No, I’m starving the baby, because that’s what mothers do. Duh.

Honestly, the baby is getting milk, and nutrition. That’s all I care about. If you care about something else, that’s your call but do not intrude asking me questions about how I’m providing for my baby. 

It’s my responsibility to nourish and raise the child in a healthy manner, and I’ll do everything as humanely possible to make sure I do a fabulous job at it.

4. Calling/ Messaging/ Asking for pictures/ requesting a visit

It’s a blessing to have friends and family that care for you. I’m sure everyone means well. However calling incessantly or scheduling a visit early on might be a task on the parents. 

The first 6 weeks of newborn care is utmost important. Give the parents some time and privacy to recuperate and they would gladly host your visit and love for you to meet their little wonder 

5. Will you go back to work?

If not, will you pay my bills? Then it’s none of your business. It’s a personal decision and it’s the choice of the mom to make. Don’t weigh in on my personal matters, and I won’t do the same. 

6. Try this method for ( eating, sleeping, milk supply) because it worked for me.

Sorry, I don’t care if you wore a garland of  fresh garlic and did the hula dance to increase your milk supply. Glad it worked for you.CIO method may have worked wonders. Please don’t force your methods on me. It’s between the baby and I to figure out what works best for us and take that route. 

7. The baby looks just like the dad.

Really? This is what the mothers get for doing all they do. It may be the truth but it would be nice to hear about features that resemble, like he/she has your eyes. 

As someone rightfully said ” the baby is just born it looks like a potato”.   :). Don’t get ahead in comparison and be gentle on the mom when you make such comparisons. 

Child birthing is hard as it is. Along with it comes all the physical and mental stress. New parents are mostly exhausted and extremely busy. Giving them space and time is  probably the best thing you can do instead of being severely opinionated. 

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Novice

“I think we should have the baby in India” I said. I was almost 4 months pregnant. It was all those hormones, fear of the unknown and wanting to be close to my family that led towards this outburst.

Then came a lot of thought, analysis, practicality and calming my nerves in the form of my husband. He said, “I’m here with you”.

I came to the United States after getting married, 6 years ago. I quickly realized that we had different roles to
play, since we did not have a lot of family around us. While I filled the role of a wife, friend, sister, and confidante the husband complimented me equally by being my best friend, guide, and my backbone in this alien country.

But, I didn’t want our little one to be born with just us being around. I didn’t want to deny the grandparents knowing their grandchild. However, I also knew that by going to India, I would rob the husband of the entire experience. It was a tough choice.

I chose to stay here. To have the baby here( in the US). It wasn’t really appreciated by the family back home, which led to a lot of misunderstandings, arguments and eventually led me blocking everyone out. I was bitter and angry. Oh and those hormones, I said earlier right?

Before I knew I was getting closer to being a mother. I had an information overload with all those books, websites and advice from fellow mothers. Too much information, but no actual knowledge!

I however missed her, my own mother. Terribly. I was surprised about it even. I tried to be grown up about it but oh, well.Every doctor visit, every scan, all that blood work, made me cry. I was scared as hell. This kind of fear was new, and I immediately knew then that no one could replace a mother.

The baby came about 3.5 weeks early. Just four days after starting my maternity leave. So much for resting the last few days. Took about 22 hours, and I remember everything.

The husband was in the room with me. Helping me, holding my hand, breathing with me, encouraging me, crying with me. He assumed the role of my mother that day. Finally when the baby was out and handed to me, we fought hard not to cry. We were beyond anxious and bewildered. There she was this tiny little bundle. Of life.

I called everyone back home that evening. I spoke to my own mother after a long gap. Told her everything, letting go of all that anger, confusion, fear and ego. It then dawned on me.

I was reborn too. As a mother.


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